Joshua, The Not Destroyed Family

Several Years

Several Years

By Joshua – September, 2014 – 16 years old

Sometimes I lay awake at night

Wishing the world was different

There doesn’t seem to be any light

Its twisted and warped and bent

There is just so much pain

Horrible hurt, livable hell,

But those are one in the same

Locked in, trying to break free

Invisible cages that no one can see

Spiritual ropes and whips on a rack

Secret things done behind your back

Things that are only done in the dark

Things that would hurt you

And break more than your heart

I stare at the ceiling and think in my head

There are so many people who wish they were dead

Think they are worthless over and over again

Dragging a blade over the top of their skin

Beating themselves ’till they’re black and blue

…sometimes, I want to do those things too

When the pain is just so much

That you can’t feel peace

Or loves touch

You feel like a beast

You feel crippled without a crutch

Just smile at least

But just that is too much

Because you feel so weak

You can’t even cry

You can’t speak

And you can’t even die

The world is caving in

You can feel it collapse

You tried to start over again

But this is a relapse

You can’t tell the difference between anger and grief

All the pain is one and you just have to grit your teeth

But the sound of the grinding is getting louder

You’ve done it so much that your teeth are now powder

You wish it was a nightmare

Just a terrible dream

But this is no nightmare

And you just scream and scream

But you can’t scream out loud

Only in your head

Or others will find out

And then you’re as good as dead

For isolation and death are just as well

They are the fire

And they both make up hell

You see no one wants to walk through this with you

Stand by your side

Carry and support you

Always be there and never leave you

Crawl through the fire while holding you

No one wants to feel that much pain

Over and over and over again

But there is one who will make it known

That you do not have to walk through the fire alone

He will be there as long as you need Him

As long as you have planted your life’s seed with Him

To Him the fire is nothing

He walks through it every day

He’s felt everyone’s fire

He’s felt everyone’s pain

And He will never leave you alone to burn on this rack

As long as you never turn and show Him your back

For He loves you and if you give Him your heart

He’ll protect it for you while the world tries to tear you apart

But some people hate Him and call him a liar

They say “if He really loves me, then why won’t He spare me the fire?!”

But you see, it is not His desire

For you to burn forever in the fire

He wants to see you come out the other side

Holding your head up, beaming with pride

For if you can take the heat a little bit longer

You will come out of it ten times stronger.

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